So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
