I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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