garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm so fucking centered right now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
