Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
