chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
