I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
