You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
