Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
