im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
