thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
