He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
