i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
