I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
pray to the hookup gods
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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