he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
