Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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