You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
