Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
