this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize