He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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