Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just want to make out with him forever
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
