I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
