I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
