She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize