i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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