I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
