It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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