ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
