i think my tv is drunk
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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