i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
