Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize