I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
