Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
