I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Couch. On fire.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
