No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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