As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
