just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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