I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
