Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
