So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
