You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize