you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize