you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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