One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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