i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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