He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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