Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
