hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
