Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
