Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
