jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
