yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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