I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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