splinters make it hard to masturbate
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
