i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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