i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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