He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
