i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
