I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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