Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
