so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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