Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Houston, we have a blender
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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