I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm too high and old for this...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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