his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
